More reasons for unbelief

Shit like this is why I cannot be a part of this religion anymore. All my life growing up teachers and others were feeding my head with this idea that Lincoln freed the slaves. 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments all ratified. Then I get to the church and find out I’m still a fucking slave. Christianity is the slave-master’s religion, and I recognize it as such. If Hell is the price then I’ll pay it. The world’s white idol can fuck off.

Seeds of Disillusionment 

China Drought

Well I landed at UT Austin, surrounded it seemed by Fundies, all grimly determined to save me, and the common denominator was that if I died that night I’d go to Hell. If there were time travel and I could go back to 1981, I’d tell 18-20yo me that, “1. Relax, you’re probably not going to die tonight. 2. These people are just as clueless as you are. And 3. The afterlife is overrated.”

Towards living ‘in the now’

This is the first of a series of posts as I come up with a way of doing this that works for me.
imageOver the years I’ve heard it expressed in other terms:




Living in the moment.

The goal is to acquire a mindset that isn’t regretting and revisiting the past, and isn’t riddled with anxiety for the future. For me that means a mind other than the one I’ve had for most of my life.

That’s quite a challenge, because I’ve spent a good chunk of the last 40-odd years in one or the other place. The past and the future added together do not equal the present. The math of it just doesn’t work that way. There are things I regret having not done and there are things I want to do. And this makes “the moment” mean a time and place where I usually don’t want to be, because I’m trying to get through whatever is going on at the moment to get to the weekend or a holiday, or vacation. And it’s probably made me less effective at whatever has needed to be done. I haven’t cared much about that in the past, because I wasn’t examining it.

Now that I’m becoming more aware of the need for mindfulness, I’ve started to notice those times when I’m just going through the motions and giving tasks the minimum required to complete them. I often find myself saying, “…let’s get it over with.” I may be ‘here,’ but everything that is important, my heart and mind, are somewhere else. Perhaps being “mindful,” is a first step down the path to overcoming attachment to those future times of leisure. Hopefully sooner than later I can learn to be content with where I am and what I am doing…a sort of Jedi mindset, I guess.