More reasons for unbelief

Shit like this is why I cannot be a part of this religion anymore. All my life growing up teachers and others were feeding my head with this idea that Lincoln freed the slaves. 13th, 14th, and 15th amendments all ratified. Then I get to the church and find out I’m still a fucking slave. Christianity is the slave-master’s religion, and I recognize it as such. If Hell is the price then I’ll pay it. The world’s white idol can fuck off.

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Carrying the sack: Some thoughts on deconversion

tatersackprisma-finalI’ve been headed in the direction of deconversion for several years. I strongly suspect the process began the day I first converted. It’s like carrying a sack on your shoulder with all the stuff of a religion…beliefs, concepts, commentaries, notes, sermons you’ve heard, ideas, thoughts, prayers, texts, dogma, emotions, rules, regulations, testimonies, myths, legends, all of it. And every so often you have to toss something out of the sack because you have no use for it anymore. Then over the years some doctrine or other, some belief that people hold tightly to but rarely, if ever, examine very closely rattles to the top of the sack and falls out. So you keep walking. And if you don’t tend to the sack weekly spots become frayed and more stuff drops out. Then some time passes, and later you start to realize that the sack has gotten really really light. Finally you stop and ask yourself whether you need what’s in there at all.

That’s the place I arrived at, and my answer to that question was, no.

Towards living ‘in the now’

This is the first of a series of posts as I come up with a way of doing this that works for me.
imageOver the years I’ve heard it expressed in other terms:

Mindfulness.

Presence.

Grounded.

Living in the moment.

The goal is to acquire a mindset that isn’t regretting and revisiting the past, and isn’t riddled with anxiety for the future. For me that means a mind other than the one I’ve had for most of my life.

That’s quite a challenge, because I’ve spent a good chunk of the last 40-odd years in one or the other place. The past and the future added together do not equal the present. The math of it just doesn’t work that way. There are things I regret having not done and there are things I want to do. And this makes “the moment” mean a time and place where I usually don’t want to be, because I’m trying to get through whatever is going on at the moment to get to the weekend or a holiday, or vacation. And it’s probably made me less effective at whatever has needed to be done. I haven’t cared much about that in the past, because I wasn’t examining it.

Now that I’m becoming more aware of the need for mindfulness, I’ve started to notice those times when I’m just going through the motions and giving tasks the minimum required to complete them. I often find myself saying, “…let’s get it over with.” I may be ‘here,’ but everything that is important, my heart and mind, are somewhere else. Perhaps being “mindful,” is a first step down the path to overcoming attachment to those future times of leisure. Hopefully sooner than later I can learn to be content with where I am and what I am doing…a sort of Jedi mindset, I guess.