This just in: Ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Ben Carson was kidnapped several weeks ago. What you’re seeing is a well put together marionette operated by seven cats. One of them is inside the head meowing while wearing a voice transmogrifying collar. The country has been had. Don’t listen to anything else he says. It will only cause headaches from repeated /facepalms.
We have been assured by the cats’ leader Mr. Tinkles that Dr. Carson is in no danger, he is being fed Fancy Feast out of wine glasses and is now litter box trained. He will be released after the national GOP convention has concluded in the summer of 2016.
HIS HOLINESS, THE DALAI LAMA
War is a racket. It always has been. It is possibly the oldest, easily the most profitable,
surely the most vicious. It is the only one international in scope. It is the only one in which
the profits are reckoned in dollars and the losses in lives.
-Gen. Smedley Butler, War is a Racket, 1935