This just in: Ladies and gentlemen. Dr. Ben Carson was kidnapped several weeks ago. What you’re seeing is a well put together marionette operated by seven cats. One of them is inside the head meowing while wearing a voice transmogrifying collar. The country has been had. Don’t listen to anything else he says. It will only cause headaches from repeated /facepalms.
We have been assured by the cats’ leader Mr. Tinkles that Dr. Carson is in no danger, he is being fed Fancy Feast out of wine glasses and is now litter box trained. He will be released after the national GOP convention has concluded in the summer of 2016.