Several years back I dated a woman who, for the entire time we were together, felt I was ‘too nice,’ and unable to ‘protect’ her. She said that she felt emotionally safe around me, but not physically safe. Many of her relationships were with guys who would beat her. To her thinking, this meant that a man was able to defend her.
Wanting to find an abuser in a hero’s garb is an idea that should never be put into practice. That kind of person can’t manage being decent and respectful while holding in check a wife beater. At least not for very long. Eventually the seemingly positive and honorable traits will become buried, displaced by the true nature, a dangerous volatility.